Author Archives: Reggie

Touch Me, Don’t Touch Me

Here’s the thing about massages—they feel so good, yet they’re a complete and total mindfuck for me. A spa is like one, big aphrodisiac. It’s as if they’re sliding a tray of oysters down your throat the moment you walk … Continue reading

Posted in confessions, day-to-day, disgust, idiosyncracies, nudity, pet peeves, robes | 1 Comment

She’s Still Standing, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah

It was 1998 when she was destroyed. I was 29, and she was just 24. We share the same birthday, five years apart. I’m making it sound like I know her, but I don’t. I know her the same way … Continue reading

Posted in celebrities, confessions, improvement, Judgment, love, political, shame, social media | 6 Comments

Lbs, Lbs Go Away

Dieting fucking sucks. I hate it with every bit of the fat layers that insulate my thighs, gut and neck region. I hate it like I hate people who lie. And, I hate it like I hate my banana bread … Continue reading

Posted in confessions, day-to-day, dieting, health, improvement, pet peeves, shame, trends | 3 Comments

Gowns and Assholes

So, turning fifty offers lots of perks. I went on a few amazing girls’ trips; my period is debuting less and less; I was thrown a surprise party, where a stripper had me straddle his face in front of the … Continue reading

Posted in aging, confessions, day-to-day, health, medical, political | Leave a comment

A Second Chance

My mother is head over heels in love! I really can’t believe it. She’s a 77-year-old widow, who never thought she’d find fulfillment in comparison to the memory of my father. Her constant gushing about her new love is proof … Continue reading

Posted in aging, community, day-to-day, family, friendship, idiosyncracies, love | 4 Comments

What do you mean you don’t Venmo?

I get it that my mom, who’s in her 70s, doesn’t know how to copy and paste a simple line of text and probably doesn’t even realize there’s a private message feature on FaceBook. What I don’t get, though, is … Continue reading

Posted in day-to-day, errands, idiosyncracies, improvement, Judgment, pet peeves, social media, trends | 3 Comments

Greener Pastures

“Why would you wear those pants? They showcase your muffin top.” That’s called fat-shaming. “Why do your legs spread as easily as cream cheese on a bagel?” That’s called slut-shaming, In my day, it was just called being a nasty … Continue reading

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TO EAT IS HUMAN; TO BE THIN, DIVINE.

If Oprah is doing it, then so am I. About every three years, I give Weight Watchers a try. It’s usually at the point where the one pair of jeans that don’t constrict my abdominal region have absolutely no more … Continue reading

Posted in community, confessions, day-to-day, dieting, health, improvement | Leave a comment

Confessions of a Weirdo

Who the fuck eats the green Mike and Ikes? Or the green lifesavers? Why do they even make that flavor? Or, is the question really: Who still eats this tooth-rotting shit? This is where my hand shoots up from the … Continue reading

Posted in confessions, errands, idiosyncracies, pet peeves, shame | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Miss Under Stood

A green complexion can make life tough. Just look at the Wicked Witch of the West. Noticing a new pimple makes me wince, so how do you think she feels waking up to a green reflection in the mirror every … Continue reading

Posted in friendship, improvement, Judgment, sentimental, shame | Tagged | Leave a comment